What is your company’s feedback culture teaching?

I have talked a lot about my wins; the moments where clarity, alignment, and persistence changed everything. Where I was the hero. It is my blog, I can do that. But there have also been times when it was not enough, times when I messed up and times when I gave up. Times when there were no winners.

I was at a company for about a year when a major restructuring occurred. I noticed a lot of issues with the way we were approaching our work. In fact, we all did. I consistently voiced our concerns and felt it was my duty to speak up for those who could not speak for themselves. Leaders voiced their displeasure with my feedback. Tension grew. We went further and further off track. All true progress came to a halt. Everyone was unhappy.

My part

When I reflect, I can see my part in it more clearly. The hard truth is that there were many instances where I could have done more. I did not invest early enough in building relationships with the people whose support I would eventually need. I focused on the work and assumed the work would speak for itself.

There were stones I left unturned. Conversations I avoided because I thought clarity alone would carry the message. Opportunities to build trust that I did not take. When I started pushing back, the foundation was not there. The trust was not there. My feedback landed as negativity instead of care. And there were steps I could have taken to rebuild trust and relationships that I did not take, and I should have.

Watch out for the feedback minefields

One thing I have noticed is that companies say they want diverse perspectives. They say they want people who say no. People who challenge decisions that lead to big wins.

But in practice, I often experience something less accepting.

When someone offers real pushback, not the soft, pre-approved version, the rules shift. Suddenly the feedback is not wrong, it is the delivery.

• “It is not what you said, it is how you said it”

• “It is your tone”

• “This is not the appropriate meeting for this discussion”

• “You are not wrong, it just makes people uncomfortable”
  

These phrases create a minefield of invisible rules about what is and is not acceptable when challenging decisions. When leaders obsess over tone, timing, or “appropriate venues,” they are not protecting culture, they are protecting themselves. They are creating a tangled web of emotional rules that make it nearly impossible to challenge decisions in a way that will be accepted. At times these rules become an excuse to do nothing, shifting blame to the person giving the feedback instead of addressing the issue.

Unintended consequences

The deeper impact here is not about me or them. It is about the people watching. Speaking up can be very hard for a lot of people. Some spend weeks or months quietly observing how company culture responds to feedback before they ever risk offering their own. If they see the few people who do speak up being labeled, sidelined, or quietly punished, they learn the lesson fast; stay quiet. It is not worth it. Nothing good will come of it.

And when that happens, innovation is stifled.

What is your company’s feedback culture teaching?